Big Test Day and Anxiety

Yesterday I had what I would consider to be the biggest test of my life. The test that would officially make me a Registered Nurse. I really struggled with believing in my self in the month leading up to the test.

I did hundreds of practice questions. Studied for at least 10 hours a week. I had also already done well on my RN predictor test, which makes you highly likely to pass the test. Still I kept wanting to push the date back, because I didn’t feel ready.

On the morning of I was doubled over in stomach pain, because my anxiety was so bad. They didn’t hit me until about an hit before I had to leave. At one point I thought how am I going to get through this test. One good thing I can say is despite my anxiety I’ve never been a quitter. I took some Advil, a 5 HTP pill(not sure if it really helps or is a placebo), and drank some gingerale. I then got in the car with the faith that everything would be alright.

It took a lot of encouragement from friends and family to push forward. Also constant prayer. When I finally took the test, I felt really well prepared. It felt amazing to know that I had gotten it over with.

I had to ask myself how could I have been so well prepared, yet I thought I wouldn’t know any of the information. There must be a problem in my ability to believe in myself. Some of the issue is perfectionism. If I came across information I didn’t know while studying I would panic. I felt like I had to know all the information in the whole field of nursing to pass this test.

I want to work more on believing in myself. Trusting that with God on my side, there’s no dream to big for me to achieve. To stop preparing for failure before it even happens. I’ve accomplished everything I believed I couldn’t, and at some point I have to own it.

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