Last night as I panicked over something small, I remembered something my mom told me earlier in the day. She said “You’ve never been good at dealing with change”. For some reason it hurt me to hear that, even though I knew it was true.
I always wanted to blossom into a carefree go with the flow kind of person. Someone who rarely worries and always looks on the bright side. A glass half-full kind of person. I’m laid-back about most things and my overall outlook is very positive. But when obstacles come my way I sometimes get stuck in the negative, instead of just moving forward. It’s the perfectionist in me.
I’m more aware of this than when I was younger. I understand the importance of not sweating the small things. Yes worrying is completely pointless, because you can’t go back in time or anticipate the future. Yes it causes a lot of undue stress. Still it’s sometimes my natural reaction and I have to work through it.
Instead of changing me into the person I wanted to be, God gave me a partner with the qualities I wished to possess. The most positive man I’ve met in my entire life.
At first I honestly felt like I didn’t deserve him. I couldn’t offer him the same always happy, always positive personality. The personality I desperately wanted to have. Would I bring him down?
Instead of me bringing him down, he lifted me up. He reminded me to see the positive in situations. Sometimes he was too carefree. I reminded him to always strive for his best and that he could achieve anything he put his mind to. To never get complacent, because I saw greatness in him.
To make a long story short, I had to learn to accept myself. I wasn’t the person I wanted to be, but I was the person God intended for me to be. All people aren’t created to be the same. We each have our own great qualities to offer, and a few flaws as well.