Being Too Nice and Bullying

I’m starting to accept the fact that I’m just too nice. This means that occasionally I cross the line between being kind and non confrontational, to being a doormat.

I desire to be kind, respectful, and get along with others. My voice is very sweet and soft-spoken. I try to walk around with a smile and a positive attitude. I’m terrible with comebacks, because I’d rather be the bigger person.

I used to think that these qualities would protect me from bullying, but honestly they attract bullies. A bully can be young or old, but something they have in common is misery. They release their misery by projecting it onto others. If you’re too nice and don’t put them in their place, you will become an easy target. People repeat the behavior that gets them good results. 

So what can you do if you’re too nice?

  1. Continue to be a kind person, because it’s a really beautiful quality. There are ways that kindness really pays off. Unlike the bully you are a light in the lives of others. You encourage people and lift them up with your kind words. 
  2. Don’t take their negative words to heart. Bullying can cause emotional pain and low self-esteem. Please realize that the bully is the problem, not you. They’d rather make you feel bad than focus on what’s wrong with them. 
  3. Practice your comebacks. Since I’m not good with comebacks, I like to practice them in my head. I think of something they typically say, and how to best respond. The comebacks don’t need to be mean or include foul words. That probably won’t work anyways, because they will just respond with harsher words. Remember that they are already experts at being mean.You can put someone in their place in a respecful way. That way you stay true to yourself, and you’re still the bigger person.
  4. Put them in their place. I have someone at my new job who’s a bully, and she works in the position under me. There’s been two times where people have welcomed me to the job, and she’s said ” Yea for six to twelve months”. The first time I tried to be the bigger person and thought it was a one time thing. The second time she caught me off guard. She won’t get away with it a third time, because I know exactly what to say. I’ll either ask her directly ” Why are you saying that” or say “You must not plan on being here for long”. 
  5. Report them. If talking to them directly and telling them the behavior needs to stop doesn’t work, report them. Don’t continue to put up with it, you’re only hurting yourself. It can negatively effect your school or work performance. It can make you doubt yourself or your abilities. Protect yourself!
  6. If the bully gets physical, immediately report them. That is never acceptable and please don’t allow this!

If you’re too nice, I want you to know that you’re a beautiful person. Your kindness will pay off and change lives. People will try to take advantage of your kindness, but don’t let them. Stand up for yourself. Never allow them to make you bitter and miserable like they are. Keep being a light in this world! 

If you can relate, please leave a comment below! If you’ve put a bully in their place, I’d love to hear your story! 

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35 thoughts on “Being Too Nice and Bullying

  1. I can relate. You are right, I have learned to become a little more assertive about how I feel. It helps to set boundaries with others. It winds up being a mind set that you can control how you feel and act. It is hard, but I have to remember that they are the ones with the problem. Not to take it on as my own.

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    1. Yes in this situation I realized that when I didn’t set boundaries, she repeated the same behavior. I’ve become more assertive, but it’s still something I need work on! Especially in nursing which is a field known for bullying. Thank you for your insight!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I continue to work on getting better at it. I like you have tried the bigger person method for most of my life. It is who I am deep down. But I’ve learned that I have to deal with what others bring to the table. And in turn, they need to respect what I have to offer. I learned the hard way that I sometimes need to make them respect me. It doesn’t just happen.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. I think when people are so miserable that they try to bring others down, in a way they feel inferior to people who seem really happy. That’s why when you keep smiling and being kind, while also putting them in their place, they realize that they’re the problem. I agree!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. TeensThinkBlog

    Great post,really the bullies are insecure and are trying to bring others down. But its great you continued to be a nice person. We just wrote a blog post about peer pressure! Have a read if you like!

    Liked by 1 person

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  4. I relate to a lot of this. I’m getting better at standing up for myself. I’d like to add another point to those above: remember to breathe out, not just in – it’s a trick to use to stay calm and be able to talk through the issue instead of becoming overloaded (as in my case that leads to tears). I’m working at remembering that!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Great advice on staying kind but not crossing the line into doormat. I like it. Look out (I mean really look out) for that internal bully that is always telling you how pathetic you are and how you could do better. People who attract bullies often have a really mean voice bullying them from the moment they open their eyes in the morning. People often treat us the way we treat ourselves.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Veronica M.

    I can relate a lot to being “too nice” Often I just stay silent instead of risking being too forward with what I think. You’re right in saying kind people are often the targets of bullying, and I think that’s super sad-like why would someone want to break down the self esteem of a person who just is a light and beacon of hope for others?
    I have worked up to standing up for myself when I need to, but I still find it can be hard being the “nice person” in a group. A blog post like this definitely helps, thank you for writing this! ❤ 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Unfortunately I’m learning that the targeting never stops. I’m actually dealing with it a lot right now in my life at work, but the reality is that words can’t hurt you. Or stop you from being a great person and accomplishing your dreams. I saw on your blog that you’re a Christian so I have to pass along this bible verse my mom sent me this morning. Proverbs 13:3 says, “He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin.”

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Veronica M.

        Aww I’m sorry!! But its wonderful that you’re remembering what others say cannot stop you from being who you hope to become. ❤ Thank you for that! Its a really powerful verse and something to think about

        Liked by 1 person

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